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Sunday, April 17, 2016


Apparently a woman named Yolanda Young at NBC Black (NBCBlk) wrote an open letter to Ciara, chastising her for putting down her child's father, Future VIA ...flinching when Future's name was mentioned while on camera at an awards sow.Yolanda Young apparently felt compelled to write an open letter, on NBCBlk because Ciara made non-complementary body movements in response to a man who's been hounding her in the press.

Future would be the same man that Yolanda did not chastise in an open letter to - despite all Future's reported nasty name calling, openly trying to control Ciara, and actually threatening Ciara's fiance.

"....Young admits she doesn’t have children, she says her stance on co-parenting is based on her own parents. Her father, who was abusive and tried to kill her mother, wasn’t a constant presence in her life. Still, while he inflicted pain on her mother, Young says her mother never badmouthed her dad."

She endured years of abuse, verbal assaults but also the occasional slap, choke, and blackeye. She finally divorced him after his bullets came within centimeters of ending her life. At my dad’s trial, she asked the judge not to sentence him to jail. This would be the first of many decisions she’d make thinking more of me than of herself.

Excuse me? How does keeping a man who shot at your head out on the street protect you or your child?  

Her mother kept that man out of jail because she "loved him" (a.k.a. was addicted to him) Putting his behind in jail despite her feelings would have been protecting Young when she was a child.

By the way, Young's use of the word "occasional?"  That's an attempt to minimize the abuse.  And I'd bet a lot of money she's quoting her mother.

"Another one was to shield me from any resentment she harbored towards my father. Knowing that I was safe with my dad — he never raised his voice to me, let alone his hand — she not only insisted I have a relationship with him, she made it a point of being kind and gracious towards him."

If a psychologist had 20 degrees on her walls from the most prestigious schools on the planet and then she decided to turn her child over to a man who tried to murder her by shooting her in the head, it would STILL be true that this woman was simply rolling the dice that her ex-husband/ex-boyfriend wouldn't hurt or kill her daughter too.
Abuse-minded women who need therapy do sh** like this all the time. They just aren't this lucky half the time.
Yolanda Young and her mother need therapy and they need it now.

Even though his calls were sporadic, his visits rare, and his child support payments nonexistent, she didn’t disparage him. Occasionally he’d show up in a fancy car and fur coat (undoubtedly the spoils of a particularly good run at the casino or racetrack) lavishing me with impractical gifts and taking mom and me to dinner

The only time she ever showed the slightest irritation was when for my high school graduation he bought me two pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage from San Francisco’s I-Magnin at a price that would have covered my first semester’s college tuition. Even then, rather than hold him to her fiscal prudence, she accepted his gesture as a show of love.
If her mother didn't show the slightest irritation when that man was skipping his child support payments then she was the one that taught Yolanda Young that anything a man does is okay and has misidentified unloving, selfish behavior as loving.


And if her mother told her to accept expensive Louis Vuitton Luggage as a show of love instead of as a way compensating for his own short comings as an absentee father combined with one giant display of "See What A Big Man I Am," then her mother failed her yet again. Even if her mother was doing her best in the moment --sounds like years after the gun shot-- her mother's best sucked. And if she didn't make an effort to get free psychological help for her and her daughter through a counselor, books, or church then shame on her.  

I don't have children either. But even I know lying to children is always bad -- lying out right and lying via sin of omission counts. I know because I was on the receiving end of this kind of lying as a kid.  


Fifty percent of what came out of my mother's mouth couldn't be trusted even when she meant well. Do you understand what kind of egg shells that kind of lying leaves a child on? I'll tell you what kind -- exceptionally fragile one that only halfway disintegrate when crushed, huge pieces remain whole enough to slice up your feet.  

There are ways to tell a child as he or she crosses 12 years of age, 15 years of age, 18 years of age that Daddy is not a responsible person. There are ways to say he loves you but he's not a responsible person or a good role model for anything in your life. There are ways to say, "Yes Daddy loves you but what he just did was selfish and unloving." There are ways to do all of this, ways to show your resentment but not hatred and tell the whole truth in small bites, in bites small enough for a child to handle it. The size of the bite depends on the age of the child.  

Telling the truth is not "disparaging" Of course angry, resentful, divorced people have to be careful about what their truth is and where it's coming from inside. But hiding the facts from your child at some point becomes "lying."

Hiding the way you feel about it also becomes "lying" --only that's lying about who you really are....from your child.

This kinds of lying misleads your child, when she's a grown ass woman, to write to another woman and tell her not to dare to make a single non-verbal comment about a black man after he's called her everything but a child of God and made it clear he thinks he can control who she does and does not have in her life.

One doesn't have to have a degree or a child to understand any of this. Knowing when is the right time to tell a child a hard truth about a crazy, abusive, or just neglectful parent? Knowing the right words to use? That's the hard part. 

Ordinarily, I'd just call Yolanda a hoteptress and be done with it. But she, seriously, needs help. She equated her own mother's Stockholm Syndrome type response to "forgiveness" and "not holding a grudge."

Forgiveness is about not demanding compensation for the bad that was done to you. Forgiveness is not about pretending the bad didn't happen. Second to fear of death only, this cowardly "pretending a thing wasn't that bad" being redefined as "forgiveness" is a foundation of women allowing domestic abuse and child abuse to continue.

When you're going to forgive somebody, you are willing to call it what it was, as bad as it was, and let go of what you were owed anyway. If you are authentically forgiving, there's no reason to minimize the betrayal first.

Yolanda and her mother need help. So I won't call her hoteptress yet. But Mother Patriarchy shouldn't be allowed to write or post again on this subject.

However, I'd bet a lot of money that whoever runs NBCBlk has more than toe in hotep / hoteptress zone. Who let the kind of sickness leaking out of Yolanda get posted? There are editors and decision makers that get paid a lot more than Yolanda who thought defending Future was a good thing to do.

From what I've read about the Future vs The Fairly Silent Ciara, the only reason for NBCBlk to allow someone as damaged as Yolanda to defend Future and attack Ciara and all black women -- for flinching-- is because Future has a penis while Ciara and other black women called out do not.

This is so damn unacceptable for any part of a major news network.
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