continued from THE DERAILING OF #MeTOO
What I'm worried about now is that some of the men too quickly fired didn't do THAT much OR they will be able to claim they didn't do much, were victims of a #MeToo Witch Hunt (ala DayGlo Orange Dunderhead) then go on as they were before
...once the fervor dies down over #MeToo
To me, another central problem lies in the fact that even as feminist rightfully protest sexual harassment, sexual blackmail, and sexual assault, they are taking advantage of patriarchy at the same time
...by portraying women as completely helpless.
White women, who seem to be socialized in a way that's very opposite to black women's *strong black woman* stereotype(?) seem to be leaning into a still legitimately shifting definition of "consent" that infantilizes women. And that's not that surprising because their definition of consent sort of matches white women's infantile socialization as women.
To me this means white women claiming to want to "take back their power" are going to have to be able to say and/or do things that mean "no" when their life and/or livelihood is NOT at risk.
This doesn't mean men can continue to go to court and lie saying, "I never heard the word "no" " But it does mean that Aziz Ansari's date had the obligation to say "no" clearly and leave his presence. Her description of moving all over the room, instead of leaving and tell him to slow down instead of saying "no" told me she wanted him to treat her like a woman he wanted to get to know instead of f*** buddy or a sex worker.
I wouldn't let my 22 year daughter date him if I had a say, because he's more than a bit of a pig. But grown women should know how to deal with pigs. Children shouldn't date because both pigs and straight up predators are both out there waiting on strong and weak women alike.
The other effect of infantilized white womanhood has had on #MeToo is to suck things into the movement that don't belong there.
The predominantly white press, so anxious to make the Larry Nassar story a feel good story of women's triumph, has either entirely missed the fact that a child had to wait until she grew to adulthood to go to the police herself about Larry Nassar...or they are glossing it over. And that's an important fact to not discuss because:
- Over a period of more than 20 years worth sexual assault against girls as young as eight, coaches didn't report Larry Nassar to the police.
- Over a period of more than 20 years worth sexual assault against girls as young as eight, USA Gymnastics didn't report Nassar to the police.
- Over a period of more than 20 years worth sexual assault against girls as young as eight, the University Of Michigan didn't report Larry Nassar to the police.
- Over a period of more than 20 years worth sexual assault against girls as young as eight, parents didn't report Larry Nassar to the police either.
And after hearing former gymnast Mattie Larson speak on how she had to injure herself so she would not have to go back to the Olympic training camp where Nassar was and also listening to mothers say they were in the room while Nassar was abusing their daughters, I came to realize that these little girls would have been victims of child abuse even if Larry Nassar had never been born.
Apparently, olympic training is the land of "no pain/ no gain" and at least 40 hours of training per work week in order to create a the child professional athlete .
This level of body work (and life long body damage) means a child getting used to pain and parents getting used to seeing their girls crying, parents used to hearing them beg to come home --just as former gymnast Mattie Larson described.
Parents had to have been used to seeing pain in their daughter's faces, right? I can't think of any other way a mother can be in a room with a man while he is sexually assaulting her daughter and not know it or figure out that something terrible happened the minute she gets up off the examination table. But who knows?
The thing I do know is this: We'd be having a public discussion about just how Larry Nassar likely hid his sexual abuse behind child abuse and the ignoring of child labor laws if the mainstream media recognized that the abuse of children and the abuse of grown women are not the same.
What happened to those girls, for over 20 years, wasn't based on just one or even two things. Predators will always be with us. But if one predator preys on 100s of girls over decades something is wrong with us. And another Larry Nassar is in our future if we don't figure this out.
So we have to ask detailed questions about who was paying or not paying attention to what, when, and where--- no matter who's feelings are offended. The parents of these Olympic gymnasts may have been "groomed too" as the judge said. But that doesn't make the parents co-victims with the sexually assaulted girls.
LARRY NASSAR IS THE SECOND COMING OF JERRY SANDUSKY AND MORE WILL FOLLOW
But I understand the press' confusion on how to handle Olympic gymnasts now women. A few too many white women narratives on predators like Weinstein are coming across like 'I was a little girl when I was attacked but now I'm a woman and fighting back.'
The grown women of #MeToo shouldn't be sounding anything like a sexually assaulted child -- whether we're talking about Nassar's little girl victims and Sandusky's little boy victims.
ADULT BEHAVIOR 1
In contrast, a white actress named Uma Thurman is the latest actress to come forward and say Harvey Weinstein "attacked" her. A powerful actress at the time and behaving like a grown woman, she confronted him. Then she logically got some protection, male and more Hollywood-powerful, in the form of Director Quentin Tarantino who also confronted Weinstein.
Weinstein appears to have been forced to apologize (instead of go to jail like I'd like to see in the future). Then Thurman went on working for and near Weinstein because she didn't want the attack affect her career.
Like Lupita Nyong'o and Salma Hayek, she told enough detail about what he did and what she did in response and has therefore given us an example of the blackmailer to blackmail-ee relaionship
ADULT BEHAVIOR 2
A white actress named Angelina Jolie --rich before she ever took one acting role being the daughter of Jon Voight-- said Harvey Weinstein did something to her that she didn't like so she never worked for him again.
As far as I know that's the beginning, middle, and end of her story so far. And that's fine for so long as she does not try to be a spokesman for #MeToo,
NON-ADULT BEHAVIOR
If Rose McGowan wants to be out in front of #MeToo then she's going to have to take responsibility for the choices she made before, during, and after the assault-- same as Lupita, Uma, Salma. She can't hint and allude then cuss people out for asking her for relevant details.
And if Weinstein's rape has left her a little unbalanced -- as I would me-- she needs to go sit down somewhere.
The other thing that an infantilized white womanhood like McGowan's appears to be doing is keeping the focus on women's outrage at not being treated with the basics of respect, which then sometimes coming off as being outraged at not being protected.
--which kinda seems like white feminists leaning into the benefits of patriarchy
Beyond looking bad and being bad, this is important because men who are the ones mostly in control in government and corporations are using #MeToo female outrage to make "misbehaving men" disappear too quickly.
The real goal of male gatekeepers in congress and corporations is to save face and keep a brand from being tarnished. But the withholding of information on what a exactly man did sometimes makes it appear that high profile men are being fired for nothing
...especially in the eyes of those who want to go back to the good ole days of 'oh big deal, he grabbed her breast.'
All of this taken together tells me that we all have some adjustments to make.
Same as black women have to accept that strong-black-woman is a myth that must die, white women need to kill of helpless-child-woman who's all grown up now and expects to be taken seriously.
Men who are watching #MeToo
get a little out of hand
due to white women/feminists leaning into patriarchy
via an unacknowledged belief in helpless-child-woman
and are therefore creating
coinciding definitions of "consent" that don't take
adulthood into consideration
should not be feeling sorry for themselves.
Men still have most of the social power in this country. That hasn't changed and it'll take years before we, women, can separate the wheat from the chaff and put a lot of the chaff in prison. Think about it: A large swath of white people, scared that whiteness wasn't going to rule anymore, voted Agent Evil Orange into the presidency as soon as when Obama's eight years were done.
And most of us can see how well that's going so far. I was thinking A.E. Orange was going to start a nuclear war with North Korea before I get to see Chadwick Boseman play THE BLACK PANTHER later this month.
So, I'm not going to go for a blind #BelieveWomen but I'm not crying for men either. Male privilege is real. Let me say it again: We're all going to have to make some adjustments.
Anybody who is not going to step up and do some thinking and do some hard mental work so we can make the needed changes should go sit down somewhere and let the adults work things out.
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