Listen to it as you make breakfast, lunch, or dinner
or read it below
It's worth the trip
Watch this video on The Scene.
00:00
Hello, hello, hello.
00:01
I'm gonna start by saying I'm nervous.
00:05
I have been writing this speech in between trying
00:08
to live my life and do a job.
00:10
And I care what I say, so bear with me.
00:14
And here we go.
00:16
So it is really interesting to be a woman
00:20
and to get to 45 and to not be married yet
00:24
and to not have kids, especially when
00:26
you have just pushed out your fifth kid on television.
00:30
[audience laughing]
00:31
You start hearing crazy stuff like,
00:34
Oh, you know what, sweetie, you just haven't
00:36
found the right guy yet.
00:37
Or, What are you gonna do?
00:40
Or, Ugh, you poor thing.
00:44
Why is someone like you still single?
00:46
Have you ever thought of having kids?
00:48
Why don't you just have a kid on your own?
00:51
It's never ending, okay?
00:54
And it's not helpful.
00:55
I grew up planning a wedding.
00:57
My dress was gonna be corseted with multiple
01:00
Victorian camisoles spilling off my shoulders,
01:02
and I would change into a white double-breasted
01:05
suit with wide-leg trousers and a big
01:08
cuff for the reception.
01:09
And then I dreamed about being chosen
01:11
by a powerful and sexy and kind man
01:15
who had full lips and gave really good hugs
01:18
and having a little bit.
01:19
[audience laughing] Yeah, I was specific.
01:21
[laughs] And having a little baby boy by the name
01:24
of Lauren, but I also dreamed of winning
01:28
an Oscar, being on the cover of magazines
01:30
and making a difference in the world
01:32
and helping women find our voices.
01:34
[audience applauding]
01:37
And from that dreaming, you guys,
01:39
I've built a really incredible life.
01:41
And I have become a woman that I am very proud to be.
01:44
And then someone just walks up to you,
01:46
and they're like, You know, a friend of mine adopted at 52.
01:51
I mean, it is never too late for your
01:53
life to have meaning, sweetie.
01:56
[audience laughing]
01:57
And my worth just gets diminished as I'm
01:59
reminded that I have failed on the marriage
02:02
and the carriage counts.
02:03
Me, this bold, liberated, independent woman.
02:07
I mean, guys, I work out.
02:09
I eat well.
02:10
I mostly show up to work on time.
02:12
I'm a good friend, a solid daughter, a hard worker.
02:14
My credit's good.
02:15
I take out the garbage before it gets smelly.
02:17
I recycle, and I won a Golden Globe.
02:20
[audience cheering]
02:23
I mean, I'm killin' it, so why, why, why
02:26
do I get snagged this way?
02:28
As if all that I've done and everything
02:31
that who I am doesn't matter.
02:33
And I look back, and I think about all
02:34
the ways that we're told that those two
02:37
hashtag goals: being chosen and having kids
02:40
are what makes you worthy.
02:41
I mean, nursery rhymes, fairy tales,
02:43
books, movies, Sixteen Candles, every love song.
02:46
Yeah, Sixteen Candles, that was a good one.
02:49
And even Blackish are reiterating this narrow
02:53
story of husband plus child equals woman.
02:56
And, by the way, that doesn't discount
02:58
anyone who has a husband and a child.
03:00
This is just my version of the narrow way
03:02
that I am undermined.
03:04
So let me, so, oh, by the way,
03:07
it's not just fairy tales in books, the patriarchy.
03:10
Yeah. [audience laughing]
03:12
The patriarchy is not pleased with me right now.
03:15
I am failing at my function,
03:16
and, let me tell ya, Mike Pence, yeah.
03:18
Excuse my French, but he's fucking confused by me right now.
03:20
[audience laughing]
03:22
And, frankly, I often get a little bit confused.
03:26
Here's something that I've done way
03:28
more times than I care to admit,
03:29
trying to gather the courage to tell my ex,
03:33
whom I love, by the way, that I want to date other people,
03:36
even though we're no longer together.
03:39
And we're broken up.
03:40
Yeah.
03:41
And during the last bout of doing just that,
03:43
I did what enlightened ladies do,
03:45
and I got out my journal.
03:46
And I'm sitting there, and I'm free writing.
03:49
Maybe I'm having a conversation with my inner child.
03:53
And I write down these words:
03:56
My life is mine.
04:02
My life is mine.
04:06
Those words, like, stopped me in my tracks.
04:09
And, honestly, they brought tears to my eyes.
04:13
It seems so obvious, but, obviously, it wasn't,
04:16
because I have not been living my life
04:18
as if it was my own.
04:19
I mean, to a certain extent, yes, yes, I have.
04:22
But on a deep level, no.
04:24
So if my life is actually mine, then I have
04:27
to really live it for myself.
04:29
I have to put myself first and not be
04:31
looking for permission to do so.
04:33
But when I put myself first, what comes
04:35
back at me from very well-meaning people,
04:37
men, sometimes, social media, random ladies
04:41
at the gym, Mike Pence, whomever.
04:44
They tell me in all sorts of ways
04:46
that I am being selfish, pushy, aggressive,
04:50
controlling, relentless, stubborn,
04:53
a slut, a nag, oh, and my favorite, a ball breaker.
04:58
Because, God forbid, a few balls get broken.
05:00
[audience laughing]
05:02
So when we put ourselves first by doing things
05:05
like saying no, speaking up, sleeping
05:09
with who we want, eating what our bodies
05:12
intuitively tell us to eat, wearing training bras
05:15
instead of pushup bras, posting a picture
05:18
without using Facetune.
05:20
So bold.
05:21
[audience laughing]
05:24
We are condemned for thinking for ourselves.
05:27
That's funny.
05:28
[laughs]
05:29
'Cause it's like a crazy thought.
05:30
Like, who the heck would do that?
05:32
You gotta smooth.
05:33
Sorry.
05:36
Or I like to tap.
05:37
Tap, so it looks real, just tap it.
05:39
Sorry, okay. [laughs]
05:43
We are condemned for thinking for ourselves,
05:47
being ourselves, for owning our experiences,
05:51
our bodies and our lives.
05:53
By the way, I purposefully have one earring on.
05:55
This one was messing with the mike,
05:56
but I really didn't want to lose the look.
05:58
Okay?
05:59
All right.
06:02
That kind of boldness is seen as threatening
06:04
and scary, and it's certainly not what
06:06
the patriarchy had in mind.
06:08
So join me for a moment and imagine
06:11
what would it be like for women to
06:13
completely own our power, to have agency
06:18
over our own glory, our sexuality.
06:22
And not in order to create a product
06:25
or to sell it or to feel worthy of love
06:28
or to use it as a tool for safety
06:31
but, instead, as a way of being.
06:34
Imagine that,
truly owning our own power,
truly owning our own power,
06:38
agency and sexuality, especially in this
06:42
moment, in all its volatility, with all that
06:46
is happening as the pussy grabbed tree
06:48
is being shaken and grabbers are dropping
06:51
like rotten fruit.
06:55
At the same time as all of that, all the volatility,
06:59
there's this surge of empowerment happening.
07:02
Black Lives Matter, Black Girl Magic,
07:04
the Women's March, Me Too.
07:06
I mean, me too.
07:08
You too?
07:11
I am trying to gather all this energy
07:13
around me and step into it and match that
07:15
with the realization that my life is mine.
07:18
My I am a chooser, 45-year-old life is mine.
07:22
And it's no coincidence that these two
07:24
forces are meeting at the same time.
07:25
And, here I am, sorting out what my life
07:27
looks like when it's fully mine,
07:29
and, honestly, it takes a certain kind of bravery.
07:32
It means risking being misunderstood.
07:35
Perceived as alone and broken,
07:37
having no one to focus on, fall into or hide behind
07:41
and having to be my own support
07:42
and having to stretch and find family
07:44
and love and connection outside of the traditional places.
07:49
But that's something that I want to do.
07:51
I want to be the brave me,
07:53
the one whose life is my own.
07:56
And that also means that I'm gonna have
07:58
to break an agreement that I didn't
07:59
really officially agree to sign in the first place.
08:01
A little document that was drawn up
08:03
by a bunch of old white guys in a back room.
08:05
The same group of white guys in that back
08:06
room that pass laws about our reproductive health
08:10
and choices without us being there.
08:12
And that agreement says that we are here
08:15
to be of service to others.
08:16
That our destiny, as women, is to live
08:18
in the shadow of men.
08:19
That we are simply objects of desire,
08:21
and that we are willing to have our voices
08:23
stifled again and again by the misogyny of our culture.
08:27
Well, listen here, ladies.
08:30
[audience laughing]
08:32
I'm tearin' it up.
08:33
[audience cheering]
08:36
It's goin' bye-bye, and I am drawing up a new one.
08:41
And my terms are this.
08:42
I am gonna own my experiences and my training bras.
08:48
I'm gonna pay attention to the reality
08:50
of my life and the audacity of my dreams
08:52
instead of the expectation of what I was raised with.
08:56
I'm gonna make space for the good and the bad
08:59
of it, even the yucky and scary and fear-inducing
09:02
parts and embrace all of the questions.
09:05
I know that's how I'm gonna go from being
09:07
Tracee to being the brave Tracee.
09:09
And here's the good news is that you too can do that.
09:12
You can go from being you to just being
09:14
the brave you, or not just, being the brave you.
09:17
And you should definitely try it, you guys.
09:21
Like, if you haven't already, 'cause I have
09:22
a feeling, I mean, I see some gorgeous sparkles out there.
09:25
Like, I see some amazing faces.
09:26
I have a feeling you guys have tried this,
09:28
because brave and brave you is beautiful.
09:31
And not beautiful like your hair is all did
09:33
and your brows are clean, because when I
09:35
think of beautiful, I think of a tree.
09:38
I think of seeing a bird soar.
09:42
I think of an embodied woman.
09:44
I think of my mom, standing there,
09:46
in the Diana Ross stance, right?
09:49
In her glory stance saying this is me,
09:53
heart open, hair big, sexual, powerful
09:58
and full of all of her agency.
10:02
Beings at the height of their own resonance,
10:04
their own selfness, fully in bloom,
10:08
that's what bravery and beauty looks like.
10:11
But, most of all, because the brave me
10:13
reminds me that I am complete just as I am,
10:16
not in relation to anything else,
10:17
just wholly and fully me, the brave you
10:21
gives you the courage to hold your own
10:23
agency, your own choice, your own desire,
10:28
your own longings, your own fear and your own future.
10:34
She's just one aspect of your soul
10:36
that helps you become the fully embodied
10:38
and completely integrated real, true self.
10:42
And I think she's in each of you right now,
10:45
in your journal, in the back of your mind,
10:49
somewhere in your heart, in your Netflix cue,
10:54
waiting for your invitation.
10:57
So I invite you all, if you haven't already,
11:00
to let her out.
11:01
To let her have her glory, this beautiful,
11:04
powerful part of you is just waiting for the invitation.
11:08
Thank you.
11:09
[audience applauding]
11:11
[upbeat music]
No comments:
Post a Comment